He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
