fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
