I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize