She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
