Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
