he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
