i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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