I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
