so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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