oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
