i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
