i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize
