I think my fart just growled at me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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