So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
