My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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