You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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