dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize