There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
