cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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