you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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