i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
