I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Randomize
