I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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