butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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