They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And then my night got REAL pukey
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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