Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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