AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
