My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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