We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just google imaged poop.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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