No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
