; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
