i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize