I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
only you would photoshop your dick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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