there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
