I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
