Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
