Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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