New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
