we have officially lost it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
