puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
