you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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