just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
