i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
