Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
