So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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