This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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