If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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