I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
