I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
