I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
