I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
