well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize