I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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