Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
