Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
