dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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