I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Your dad touched me again.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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