God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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