She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
