He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
