the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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