two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
