Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
