I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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