No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
