Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
