Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
