Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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