he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
