well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize