"it" just moved
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
