dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
