I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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