A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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