Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
