He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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