the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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