I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
