living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
