So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
