I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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