Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
