Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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