I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize