$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
