took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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