too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
