walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
