i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
