yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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