i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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