wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I want to fling myself into the sun
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
