she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize