At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
