I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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