Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
