It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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